38 Weeks! Wait....38 Weeks?!?!

Where has the time gone??  It honestly feels like yesterday that this point in the pregnancy seemed so very far off and I can honestly say reality had NOT set in.  Well reality today is little Baby B could make his debut any day now and just like that...we will be parents!  That. Is. Crazy.  So where are we at...is everything ready? Are we ready? When do we think he is going to be here? How are we spending our last few weeks as DINK's?  I am more than happy to let you know!

As you saw a couple months back, we enjoyed a completely fantastic vacation with our very good friends the Woolards at the end of September.  Since then its been a whirlwind to say the least!  We had one free weekend and then it was time for Baby Showers, Baby Showers and more Baby Showers!  Oh...and add in some Red October that you know we can't not participate in and that makes for one busy October!!  Here are the highlights!

First up was the baby shower thrown by my VERY good friends Melissa and Brandy here in St. Louis.  Another very good friend Catherine was gracious enough to host us at her house in Chesterfield.  This shower would be a gathering of my best girlfriends I have met while in the real world at Monsanto along with my fabulous neighbors that we love dearly.  The theme was vintage baseball and the creativity and attention to detail that my friends put into the shower was incredible.  We dined on baseball staples - a nacho bar, mini hot dogs, popcorn and cracker jacks!  The ladies decorated burp clothes (that I can't WAIT to see in action) and we had such a great time catching up with everyone.  It was a very special day (my first shower) and I truly enjoyed every minute :)

The very next day Bryce and I had our maternity pictures taken - we worked with Amee at Heavens Belongings and had such a wonderful experience.  We hadn't had pictures taken of us since our wedding so it was nice to have a family shot with just Bryce, me and Russell! 

Just a few days later, my team at work was nice enough to host a shower for me at work.  It was a great chance to get away from work for a minute and talk with everyone about the big changes that were coming in our lives - I am so lucky to work with such wonderful people! 

We aren't stopping yet!!!  Next up was 2 days later..the big show - the hometown shower!  Hosted by my Mom, Tara and Rachel I knew it would be nothing short of fabulous!  The shower was held at Bogey's café in Springfield and the theme was "Baby It's Cold Outside".  SUCH a cute theme with a winter wonderland of pine trees, blue snowflakes, glitter and an amazing lunch by the café!  The girls really out-did themselves! We had diaper decorating which will go great with our decorated burp cloths and a really fun game that was really memorable for me.  The girls had a list of questions that they asked Bryce...everyone (including me!) had to guess his answers.  Bryce and I talk a lot about the baby and life with kids but it was really cool to hear his perspective on things.  My favorite question and answer..."What are you looking to most about fatherhood" - His answer: Being a kid again myself.  He is going to be an amazing dad :) The shower was a great time and I even got some time with my favorite little ones (and Bingo's first friends) Weston, Ellie and Parker.  I still can't get over the generosity of everyone who attended and gave us such thoughtful gifts!  It was an awesome mix of people - my very best girlfriends who have been there for me for so long, my mom, aunts, cousins, my mother in law and more of Bryce's extended family, sister in law, beautiful niece (who I can tell is SO EXCITED for this baby to come) former teachers, and our very good friends of the family.  What a memorable day!!  I wish it could of lasted longer!!

While all of these showers were going on the Cardinals were obviously marching their way through the NLDS, NLCS and of course the World Series!!  Bryce and I weren't going to let a little thing like pregnancy get in the way of watching our Cardinals!  We were lucky to attend games at Busch for the NLDS (we saw them clinch against the Pirates in Game 5), the Dodgers in the NLCS and Game 5 of the World Series against the Red Sox.  Unfortunately the season didn't end with a W but we enjoyed so much of this season and it was a memorable one for us!  We can't wait to take Bingo to his first game early next season! 

Most of the weeks since our showers have been spent putting the final touches on the nursery and getting the house ready for baby!  Having such a small house we have to be extra organized and de-cluttered as much as possible!  There have been lots of Goodwill trips and we have organized closets, the office and the kitchen as best we can!  We even managed to squeeze in a new furniture purchase for our upstairs living room - no broken couch for Bingo's visitors!!  The nursery has come together perfectly!  Vintage Cardinals Baseball!  I absolutely love it.  The clothes, sheets and blankets are washed, toys put away and diapers ready to go.  All we need is a baby!  Swings and bouncers are put together - if nothing else this kid will have lots of entertainment options! 

The last few weeks have been really nice.  Work is tapering off and we have had a lot of downtime on the weekends.  There is always one more project to get completed or one more thing to put together but I am already able to say "what will be done will be done" and know that there will always be more projects and things to finish...for now we take every day as it comes and are enjoying our downtime!  Just this weekend we had a special visit from my good friend Emily and her boyfriend Corrie.  We got to spend a lot of time downtown with them Saturday and even made it to the Rams/Bears game today!  I mean...38 weeks/2 days seems like the BEST time to take in an NFL game!  It went great and I didn't go into labor while at the game - always a good thing :) 

Less than two weeks until our due date and we are fully aware that our little man could come at any moment in time.  I feel like he will come closer to his due date but you never know!  We have both our families coming for Thanksgiving to our house (yes you read that right).  I am doing VERY little cooking - we just wanted to be sure everyone was able to be together for the holiday - that was very important to us!  Then on Friday the Rockets will play for their 4th state football title in a row.  If I have one goal...it is to NOT have the baby on Friday!  So very proud of the Rockets - an amazing accomplishment!  Hopefully we can put up our Christmas decorations right after Thanksgiving but its OK if that doesn't happen!  They WILL be put up though!! 

Tomorrow and Tuesday are my LAST two days at work until early March - now THAT is a crazy thought!  I am really looking forward to my time off and feel so fortunate to be able to take off the full 3 months.  Bryce will even be off with me for the first 3 weeks - which makes me so very happy!  I continue to be glued to his side at all times...pregnancy hormones do some funny things :)  Speaking of Bryce..just this past Wednesday Bryce's coworkers hosted a surprise shower for him at work.  They were nice enough to reach out and invite me to attend - I loved meeting his team and coworkers!  He was truly surprised and it was so cute seeing him do the opening of the presents - was a really nice time! (That is 4 showers if you are keeping track). 

As far as Bingo goes (yes he will have a name...eventually) he is as active as EVER.  Moving like crazy and doing some pretty incredible gymnastics in a very tight space.  I still laugh at my growing belly - it really is the only reaction I have to it.  Things have gotten a little more uncomfortable (especially at his most active times) but I really haven't had any contractions and I am lucky enough to be getting good sleep.  This pregnancy has been so wonderful an easy (yes I know I am lucky) and I have loved every minute - can already tell I may even miss it a little when its over!  Hopefully we can experience it all again soon! 

We can't wait to meet this little guy - he is truly going to change our lives in so many ways and I can't wait for the good the bad and the ugly! 

Until next time....when we are PARENTS!!

Our very best....here is the latest bump pic at 37 weeks!

29 Weeks and Counting! Perfect Time for a Vacation Right?!?

 29 Weeks and Counting!!  Perfect Time for a Vacation Right?!?!

I mean, who wouldn't want to spend a week on a remote island while 29 weeks pregnant?!  We are on the best baby moon with the most wonderful friends and this week couldn't be better!!  After putting off scheduling a real vacation for over a year while we were trying to get pregnant we finally decided we were doing this no matter what!  It didn't take long to convince the Woolards, our partners in crime for the past 10 years to come with us, to stay in a beautiful villa overlooking the carribean.  Bryce found this amazing house to rent on vacation homes for rent by owner.com and the planning was done!  True we thought we would be pregnant but not 29 weeks along! The first question for our doctor after seeing that little heart flicker was of course....can we still go on our vacation?  So here we are in paradise and it couldn't be more perfect!  Here is the recap so far...

Day 1....a trip to Kmart in paradise??

Our day started bright and early at 3:45 and at 6 am we were on our first leg towards Atlanta. We were on the flight from ATL to STT with the Woolards which was awesome. So great to see them so soon!  The flights all went great and I felt comfortable the whole way down. So far so good!  We arrived in St Thomas and got our bags and the last bit of travel anxiety floated right away. We picked up our rental car... ford Fusion, definitely not as cool as El Lancia!  That's ok...on our way following our host for the week Linda. So here in the US VI the driver sits on the left side on the car like normal but you drive on the left side of the road!  Weird....regardless Bryce is up for the challenge!  Crazy trip up the mountain side and we arrived at our villa...we all looked at each other hoping someone would remember how the hell to get back to civilization!  Challenge for later.... We were in awe of this property!  Literally words can't describe the beauty of this place...only pictures can do it justice.

The owners are an interesting pair. Obviously very well traveled judging by the vast number of travel books and treasures from around the world. Some of the more interesting things... An old newspaper article from Baltimore from 2 days after the Titanic sunk (the article reported everyone was safe and the boat was being towed to shore), lots of rare butterflies and insects on display, so many coffee table books - the history of lingerie and the complete works of Earnest Hemingway oh and dint forget the Kill Bill DVd.

After settling into our rooms it was time for the part of this trip i was dreading..grocery shopping. We made our way into town and had a lovely walk through Kmart and the adjoining mall in search of some shorts for Anne. All I will say is that when our host told us what places to stay away from this was definitely one of them. We simply didn't belong. We we're all terrified enough to skip the grocery store down the strip mall and head to the Cost U Less (Sam's) which felt much more safe but resulted in some ridiculous purchases including the value pack of ketchup, mustard and relish. It would take us months to work through it all. There was a moment I was nearly in tears over peanut butter but we made it out alive and had a relatively painless trip back up the mountain... Way to go team!

After an easy dinner of brats we enjoyed our amazing deck and went to sleep excited about the week ahead of us...seriously amazing!

Day 2....Is this seriously our reality for the week??

We woke up and started on of our traditions for the week... An awesome home cooked breakfast!  Way to go boys!  This also serves as our planning session for each day. This day would be spent enjoying our deck, view and private pool overlooking the ocean until noon and then off to Magens Bay for the afternoon. One of the most beautiful beaches I have ever seen. Truly amazing and felt so local and low key. Not commercial in any way. We enjoyed a very nice dinner at the Old Stone Farmhouse. Minus the boy's salty duck and weird ostrich sausage it was a hit!  We got to visit the kitchen to look at cuts of meat which were available and the waiter suggested a "reasonably priced" bottle of wine which was only $160....ha!  Yeah right....

Overall a phenomenal night and we even got to watch the Cardinals game on ESPN when we got back!  An amazing day of course and I couldn't feel better... All of the swimming really takes the pressure off my back and I simply feel fantastic!

Day 3...Charlotte Amalie exploration

After our amazing breakfast we planned our day to include another relaxing morning enjoying our deck...seriously can't get enough and would follow that up with a trip into town to do some exploring. We decided to visit the local convenience store and got some milkshakes at the Udder Delight just down the road on the way back. I found a small jar of peanut butter and was the happiest pregnant girl in the world. we started our journey into town around 2pm and found the cruise ship dock. We enjoyed some snacks and drinks at the Fat Turtle but shopping was a little light since we are in the slow season..no complaints here!  From there we made our way towards Frenchtown in search of dinner. We really only had a basic map and our college educated brains to go off of. After a few questionable places to turn around we found a local pizza place that was recommended to us by our waiter the night before. Awesome pizza and a really impressive beer list made this an excellent choice!  Bryce, Anne and I took a short walk in search of some good pictures of the harbor ....another interesting journey in which we were happy there were three of us together (James was enjoying his beer in the safety of the restaurant). Overall Pi Whole was a hit for everyone!  A bit more culture was experienced in Charlotte Amalie but all part of our adventure!  On the drive back JD took his turn at driving and Bryce navigating. Let's just say we will go back to our previous arrangement of JD navigating and Bryce driving :). But hey....we are still here to enjoy another day!

Day 4......."Bryce Bryce Bryce..... What day is it??  Boat Day!!! Woo woo!!!!"

The hump day commercial has been one of constant entertainment for us...it didn't stop on boat day... Woo woo!!  This is what this trip has been planned around for Bryce. We chartered a boat for the 4 of us with Captain Wilson (ie Captain Ron). I set out prepared with snacks, water, tums and an anti nausea medicine prescribed by my doctor. Ready to go!  The boat was awesome... Deja Blue. Off we went to our first destination..snorkeling along a small rocky island protected as a bird sanctuary. We get out after a few safety precautions (Capt Wilson is totally freaked out that I'm pregnant but I still feel great!) and off we went!  Basically we floated easily in the salt water and let the current float us along the island. We did this for about 45 min and it was such a peaceful experience. Bryce was in heaven. Back on the boat we took off towards a deserted beach on an uninhabited island. Literally... Just us on this beautiful beach. The water here is an incredible color of blue and turquoise. I've never seen anything like it. Bryce and JD took off in search of Pirate Booty. They searched the squatters campground who weren't there at the time and found a bunch of hermit crabs.... Real ones :). Our next stop might be my favorite.... The smallest beach on St John called the Mermaids Chair. You can only reach it by boat or by swimming to it... We enjoyed swimming and more snorkeling nearby. Such an amazing place. We spent an extra two hours on our trip than planned touring the beaches of St John and learning some history which JD thoroughly enjoyed. The history really is incredible... Changing from Danish to French to British and American along with slave trade and revolts... Lots to learn and appreciate!  We were also lucky enough to see Kenny Chesney's two houses (one he used to own and own he owns now). We took some stalker pics for all you Kenny fans!! This last part of our trip was great in preparation for our trip tomorrow to St John. After returning to the harbor we enjoyed a few drinks at a local bar in Red Hook (everyone seemed to be local around us) which was a great way to end our evening. FYI....Bryce and JD are now in fine form. The bullshit continues to flow and they can seriously talk for hours on end about absolutely nothing and it's typically very entertaining. Tomorrow will be the longest they've been together since college.... I can only imagine where this will go. We ended our night with a home cooked dinner of steaks and shrimp. Another amazing evening. Oh!  We swam with sea turtles!!  Super cute!

Some observations.....

References to the hump day commercial andCaptain Ron never get old. Ever.

When the moon is shining across the ocean, the light trails a path towards you and that path will follow you wherever you walk. Always. We are pretty sure There is a scientific explanation for this but we are all business majors....

The moon decides when it comes up every night....it's different every night

Literally Bryce and JD live in their own world of constant random comments and bullshit.

It's a really good thing Mandy andAnne get along so well!

We need a business plan which results in a multimillion dollar home in St John....

Kmart and Plaza Extra should be avoided at all costs...especially if you want a reasonable size jar of peanut butter.

Vacations are always best had with good friends!!!

The proper name for a doughnut is a Doh Doh.....

I'll post pics on FB later... Zonked for the night!!!

Day 5.....St John and one perfect beach after another

Once again we started our day with an amazing breakfast on our deck...another beautiful day to explore the islands was ahead of us!  Today we would be exploring St John which is only a 20 min ferry ride away. After our boat tour with Capt Wilson we decided to take the car ferry so we would have some freedom to explore the island. The ferry ride was beautiful and we got a bunch of great pictures. 20 min later we were driving off the ferry into St John.  What a really great little town!  Very clean with great shopping and restaurants. We loved it. We started with lunch on the bay at Joe's Rum Hut and then moved through a few shops where we bought a beautiful necklace which was my 30th birthday present. It's a sterling silver charm with a Larimar stone and a blue topaz stone. Larimar is the gem of the Carribean and stands for Change and Transition... Quite fitting for our baby moon!  Off we went in search of Cinamon Bay. This is the beach Kenny Chesney's first house here overlooked and he mentions it in his song Old Blue Chair. The beach did not disappoint!!  Very few people, pristine blue and turquoise waters and water so clear you could see your feet under the water against the smooth sand. The only downfall.... We had forgotten Bryce's snorkel mask and the rental shop wasn't opened. Note....don't forget Bryce's snorkel mask. Luckily JD was up for an adventure and they took off swimming towards little cinnamon beach which you can't walk towards. That excursion took about 30 min and when they returned it was time to pack up and see the rest of the island (all 9 miles of it). Along our drive we saw an old wind mill which was used long ago on the sugar plantations. I sucked it up and walked up a long rocky path just to see it. I'm still 100% on activities!    We drove around the rest of the island to see where the locals Live. We even saw a cow on the side of the road!  Made it back to the ferry called "Tug Life" and had a nice trip back to Red Hook on St Thomas. We all loved St John....might be a future vacation destination.  Our evening ended with dinner at Fish Tails in Red Hook looking over the bay. I had a Carribean lobster which was great!  We all enjoyed fresh fish and had a really nice meal. The night cap was a relaxing evening on our deck....only one more full day but we couldnt make any plans since plans for the day can't be discussed until morning at breakfast....vacation rule number 1!

Day 6....our last full day of paradise

On our last full day we decided to take it easy in the morning. Book Day!  Lots of reading and relaxing on our deck was just what we needed after a busy couple days. Around noon we headed out in search of the St Thomas Mountaintop for beautiful views atop St Thomas, souvenir shopping and world famous banana daiquiris!  The views and daiquiris did not disappoint!  From there we needed to give Bryce one more chance at snorkeling so off we went in search of lunch and a beach for snorkeling. After a bust at Coki Beach (far too crowded/shady atmosphere) we found Sapphire beach. Here we found far less people and a snorkel rent station for the rest of us!  After an awesome lunch of jerk chicken at a food stand on the beach we were ready to snorkel!  This beach was unlike anything we had seen!  The coral came up so close to the beach and we saw so many beautiful fish and coral formations!  We even saw a stingray!  A little scary but very cool. Thank god Bryce was right next to me or I may have flipped out!  Overall an awesome beach!  From there we went back to the villa for naps and more relaxing on the deck. We decided to do dinner at home and truly enjoy our little slice of paradise for one more night!

In true Woolard/Burke fashion we spent our last night reminiscing the good ole days at WIU and planning for future vacations/excursions.

We had to check out by 11 the next morning and with flights around 2pm it gave us even more time to have a leisurely breakfast and casual morning. We took our time enjoying our amazing home but finally had to bid farewell to the Villa Papillon. If anyone is ever considering a vacation in St Thomas I would highly recommend this home for rent by owner along with Island Wilson Excursions (boat rental). Every part of this vacation was picture perfect and exactly what we needed.

For the Burkes we are headed into a busy month of baby preparation... We are 30 weeks along and in the next 4 weeks alone we will have 3 baby showers,a dr appointment, maternity photo session and labor/delivery class at the hospital. Add in a Cardinal World Series victory and that would be quite the month!  Here's to a great 10 final weeks of pregnancy!!!

All our love,
Mandy and Bryce  

Countdown to Baby - Halfway there!

It's still hard to believe we are here and I am typing this update!  We are halfway to Baby Boy Burke's arrival!  As of yesterday we are 21 weeks along.  The last 21 weeks have been SO MUCH FUN!  We have enjoyed everything from that first ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat to telling our family and friends, painting the nursery, buying nursery furniture and even registering!  Here are some of the (many) highlights!

- Seeing a positive pregnancy test in my very own hand!!  (reaction: disbelief/shock/fear that something will go wrong)

- First visit to Dr. Herrmann - can't yet see baby in the uterus since we are only ~5 weeks along (reaction: more fear and anxiety regarding the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy).  We go on progesterone supplements (more fear and anxiety I'll miscarry)

- 2 weeks later with Dr. Herrmann - we have a legit pregnancy!!!  Strong heartbeat and baby is in the uterus!  AMAZING feeling that we did this all on our own - take that RE who told me I needed to have both tubes removed!!

- 2 weeks later - Everything still looks perfect.  Dr. Herrmann offers to see me as often as I would like just to feel good that everything is going well (he is an AMAZING Dr.).  Now we can tell our family at our party on Saturday!!  Let the planning begin!!

- 8 weeks: our annual Bry-Fry party.  We were lucky enough to get everyone (our parents and Brian's family) to our house for brunch before the festivities began.  We were on pins and needles waiting to tell everyone!  Bryce had a great idea to have 3 envelopes with cards in them.  One read "Mandy, next said "Is", and last one "8 weeks Pregnant"!.  My mom, mother in law and niece got to read the cards outloud.  There were big cheers, tears and the party could finally begin!!  The only one missing was Aaron but we were able to get him the message in between beers and bad phone signal at the infield of the Kentucky Derby :)  He is thrilled to be an uncle!!

- 4 more weeks - We decided to try and be "normal" and wait the full 4 weeks for our next appointment since there was really no reason to consider me high risk.  The appointment went very well and everyone looked happy and healthy.  I however need to lower my anxiety before appointments!  Before the ultrasound my blood pressure was quite high, back to normal though after the ultrasound!

- Week 13 - It's Facebook Official!!  Introduced Baby Burt Reynolds Burke to the world of social media!!

Week 15 - YIKES!!!  First day my pants won't button!!  Bring on the belly band and elastic waist expanders!!

Week 17 - We have MOVEMENT!!!  This week I felt the first movements of Baby Burke - there was no question in my mind that's what they were.  After 18 months of paying VERY close attention to my body in predicting ovulation there was no question these were new feelings!  I like to call them smurf kicks :) 

Week 17 - Next Appointment!!  This is the big reveal!  Since my Dr. does ultrasounds at EVERY appointment we got to find out the gender this week!!  After a few minutes of searching around he had wonderful news :) We are having a BOY!  Seriously couldn't be more thrilled.  Bryce was CERTAIN it was a girl so was in shock for awhile that he would be having a mini me soon!  We got to see Baby do a flip on the screen!  Such amazing technology. 

- Bought nursery furniture and started our 1st registry at Pottery Barn Kids!  I've been drooling over there stuff for so long now - finally.....its MINE!!  We got a sweet deal on a crib (on sale) and a floor model dresser on clearance - go us!!  Bumpers and crib skirt are also on sale so we got those as well!  Mom can officially start the baby quilt!  Clock's ticking!!  This might be the first baby gift she has ready before baby comes :)

- House Projects!! - Finished landscaping corner behind house, painted guest room, painted guest bathroom, organized basement storage area, painted NURSERY! hung new blinds in nursery, installed new carpet in upstairs bedrooms and bought rocker/recliner for upstairs living room!!  PHEW!!!!  More organization projects to come!!

- Gotta get our social activities in!! - Weddings in Ursa St. Louis and Phoenix, LOTS of Cardinal Baseball, Ozarks, Memorial Day in Madison, WI, Kenny Chesney, Boy Band a Palooza, Best Friend Visit in St. Louis for 4th of July, Ursa visit with family and much more to come!!

- Started Registries at Buy Buy Baby and Babies R Us - these are a work in progress for the next week or so and I hope to have them done.  I tell you that is one overwhelming process!  Trying to spread it out a bit so we can enjoy it and not become to tired or frustrated with it!  We also ordered our glider - cant wait to see it in 8-12 weeks!


Phew!!  That's a busy 21 weeks!  It's been such an amazing ride.  I can't help but still be nervous that something will go wrong but those feelings get easier all the time.  Bingo likes to give me lots of kicks to remind me he is in there and doing fine!  We have our "big ultrasound" Monday - can't wait to see our little man again!  Thank you for all the kind words and well wishes - we can't wait for everyone to meet our newest family member - I am sure he will be spoiled rotten and I wouldn't have it any other way :)

Love,
Mandy, Bryce, Bingo Burt Reynolds and Russell

Day 0 - Consultation Day!!

For those of you who didn't know, a week and a half ago I had one fabulous Friday!  In the morning I got a call from the new doctor's office (Wash U) and found out they could move my appointment up to March 18!  That would save us a whole month in IVF timing - LOVE THAT!  To top the day off my regular OB gave me a call out of the blue that afternoon to see how I was doing.  He had heard I got passed back to Wash U from the doctor he recommended and he wanted to check in on me - feel so incredibly lucky to have him as my doctor!  Fast forward to today...it's time for the REAL consultation!

To start things off, I did much better this time around in staying calm cool and collected prior to my appointment.  The strategy?  Focusing way  more on my mental health leading up to this appointment.  I invested in some meditation tracks from Circle & Bloom.  Now, if you would have told me 3-4 years ago I'd be using meditation to stay grounded I'd have told you thats bat shit crazy.  A bunch of voodoo hippie non-sense (that would be my mid-western roots talking).  The one I listened to last night was awesome - they have a special version that has a meditation track for each day you are on IVF plus some pre-cycle tracks.  It worked great for the anxiety and I woke up ready to tackle this appointment head on!  I found out about Circle and Bloom from the IVF support group I found on Facebook.  After my first blog so many wonderful people reached out to me via personal message - one of them hooked me into the group and it has been the most wonderful support network ever.  I can ask them anything anytime and there is always someone there to answer my questions and support me when I am down.  It's been so wonderful having a network of ladies who have been there and so many of them are pregnant! 

Back to the appointment.  Our appointment was at 9 so Bryce and I decided to head down to the doctors office and grab breakfast down the street.  It was a great decision - we were in the area way early and got to have a relaxed breakfast and not be rushing through traffic to get there in time.  I also had control of Bryce's arrival time :)  The office building, even though its in a busy area, has an easy parking lot right outside the entrance - so far so good!  We were about 20 min early but got in after about 15 min in the waiting room.  I quickly had my height weight and blood pressure taken and then we sat down in the consult room.  The only bad part of our day was the lame medical student who came for our first round of questioning.  Seriously the questions he asked were like trying to concieve 101 and he started the meeting with "So, what's up? How's it going?"  he ended the meeting with "Welp....I'm no IVF expert but Dr. Ratts is great!".  Seriously??  OK...so we still hadn't met our doctor yet so I was willing to give this experience a pass until the entire appointment was over.  So we waited....and waited....and waited...

FINALLY our RE was there and she was GREAT.  Very knowledgeable, direct, to the point and a very good match for my personality.  She walked us through a lot of great information and what to expect for the first round, timing, my medical history, etc.  Remember though that we are here for a reason and we know what our fertility troubles are centered around....so here it is.

I have what is known as Hydrosalpinx.  I'll post some links below so you can read about it but here is my "idiots version".  Hydrosalpinx is when your tubes are closed off due to a previous infection (remember the appendectomy). To start, this will cause you issues with fertility as you need those tubes open to allow sperm and egg to meet - anyone with blocked tubes has to go with IVF...its your only option.  Secondly, because I have this condition, during IVF the tubes will fill up with fluid during my cycle - because they are blocked there is nowhere for this fluid to go therefore it is believed that the fluid can move back into the uterus and be very problematic for the embryo unless they are open enough to allow the fluid to get out.  The medical community is fairly aligned that this condition causes a decrease in your chances for IVF to work.  What there isn't broad agreement on is why it occurs.  So what are our options?  Well..it depends.  Dr. Ratts is going to have my scans (showing the extent of the blockage) to a radiologist in a couple weeks.  From there she will recommend either proceeding with IVF or recommend having my tubes removed.  Now this problem has come up here and there for the last 6 months and here are the three things I have heard.

          1.  (Dr .Herrmann) - After my surgery in September he was very happy about his success in opening up my left tube and my right tube partially (HSG, I thought, confirmed this)
          2.  (Dr. Pineda) - After reviewing my films would have recommended using "aspiration" to remove the fluid build up in my tubes during the IVF procedure and therefore avoiding the removal of my tubes.
          3.  (Dr. Ratts) - Tubes don't look good, need someone else to look at them but if they aren't open recommends to remove tubes - doesn't agree with the aspiration technique.

So we wait.  I Google, Google some more, waste time at work while Googling all the while totally freaking myself out.  Here is where we are at.....

        Mandy: Emotionally really DON'T want them to take out my tubes.  This is based on two things...not wanting them to take my tubes which really shuts down the idea we will ever concieve on our own (I am still holding out for that chance we will get pregnant when our first born is 2 months old and we can say "look what we went through and then it just happened so easily!") and not wanting to delay IVF by 1-2 months.  I'd really like to try one round of IVF first (even though I have been reading my chances could be as low as 20% :(  This really isn't a rational opinion so luckily we have Bryce :)
        Bryce: Need to hear from Radiologist.  If there is NO chance we will ever concieve on our own we should have tubes removed first.  If there is a SLIGHT chance one little eggy could eventually work its way through my ugly tubes we should go for IVF first.  See?  Very rational.  I'll blog some other time about my opinion that God gives you a partner that will even you out!

These are some of the hardest decisions I've had to make in my life. There isn't one right answer - its about listening to your doctor, your heart and your spouse.  Everyone keeps telling me that I am being so strong and they are so proud of me for being open and tackling this head on.  Truth is I am scared to death.  Petrified this won't work.  Terrified I still won't be pregnant at Christmas.  On some days, not hopeful at all.  I literally can't say those words without getting upset...every time.  What I can say is that I have met some of the greatest people through this experience and it has taught me a lot about myself and made me appreciate what I have. 

So here is what to expect in the next two months:

~Today: Consultation and blood work for Mandy
~April 1: Cycle Day 1- call doctor for appointment to happen within 8-10 days.  We will run some tests (basic blook work and sonograms to measure my uterus).  Bryce also has to re-do his lab work sometime in the next few weeks. 
~Month of April: First two weeks will be birth control pills and second two weeks will be Lupron injections which essentially put your cycle totally under your doctor's control
~April 18th: 1/2 day IVF Orientation - Bryce gets to learn how to give me shots!!  Now.....Bryce has a big problem with needles.  He isn't scared but he has a stupid physical reaction to anything blood/needles/IV/etc so hard telling how this will go!  I may need my neighbors to give me shots every day :)
~1st week of May - Stimulations (warning: crazy person ahead!) to make me produce a crazy number of eggs
~Mid May - Egg Retrieval, fertilization and Transfer day! 
~Early June - Find out if Baby Burke is on the way!

If we get tubes removed - scratch all of that, schedule the surgery in April and we will see those meds in a couple months!

I keep telling myself I am going to remain positive and hopeful throughout this experience from now on.  Until now I try to manage my dissapointment by assuming it won't happen.  I am being coached that positivity is the way to go so am trying hard to give that a chance.  It's not easy...dissapointment has always been easier for me to handle when expecting the worst. 

So here's to the next chapter and all the ups and downs - thank you for being there for me...it has helped in so many ways!  Here are a few links to look at if you'd like to know more about Hydrosalpinx.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrosalpinx

http://www.ivf1.com/hydrosalpinx-infertility-IVF/

http://www.asrm.org/uploadedFiles/ASRM_Content/News_and_Publications/Practice_Guidelines/Committee_Opinions/Salpingectomy_for_hydrosalpinx(1).pdf

The First of Many Setbacks

Don't worry...it's not too bad, though if you would have asked me the night of our Dr. appointment with Dr. Pineda I would have told you it was as bad as as it was going to get.....after over three weeks now I feel like I can share :)

So there we were, at our first IVF consultation.  We had been waiting a month and a half for the appointment - thats how long it took us to get in.  This particular clinic is known around the world - pretty incredible it is here in St. Louis!  To say I was a nervous anxious mess is the understatement of the century.  I couldn't sit still all day at work let alone think about anything but that appointment at 3!  We were meeting at the Dr's office and both hadn't been there before so I gave Bryce VERY specific directions in how to get there, where the office was, etc along with specific direction to be there 15 min early.  I had been pouring over the details of the information I had to bring and be prepared with for a month and wasn't going to be late after all that! Well they actually took me a few minutes early and Bryce was a couple minutes late - NO COMMENT!  :) 

He finally made it and we had a few questions with the nurse.  Now...I know my cycles better than anything at this point but I was so nervous I even had trouble answering some of the most simple questions!  I was a wreck!  From there we got right in with Dr. Pineda - who was a very sweet guy.  I could tell he honestly wanted to answer my qeustions and listen to what we had to say.  The only problem was he didn't tell me what I wanted to hear...."If you have insurance that covers fertility treatments you shouldn't come to our clinic - you need to go to Wash U"

Excuse me?  I'm sorry...I just waited a month and a half for you to tell me that after 15 min of my consultation?  It was very hard for me to focus on anything else that was said - I was trying too hard not to burst into tears.  You see..I am about as Type A as it gets.  Everything is planned, I's are dotted and T's are crossed 25 different times and I am ALWAYS prepared with everything in situations like this but somehow I didn't ask that question?  I felt heartbroken and angry with myself.  Dr. Pineda did shed some light on some additional things about my condition I hadn't heard before - that there may need to be a special procedure along with my IVF to ensure fluid wasn't building up in my tubes during the procedure - it will be good to know when I meet with my NEW doctor to ensure they can perform the same procedure.  Overall he was a very sweet guy and I am sad I don't get to work with him.  Essentially their clinic has made a decision to require up front payment from all patients regardless of insurance coverage (I am in the minority that have fertility treatments covered) - he was very clear that he did not want us "playing the insurance game" and hoping to be reimbursed in full.  Wash U accepts insurace up front.  So that was it...off we went home (after a co-pay of course).  I was a mess and Bryce was going to do anything he could to make me comfortable (which that night happened to be Popeyes Chicken and a few glasses of wine...yes I am an emotional eater).

So we start over.  I called Wash U the next day and OF COURSE the earliest I could get in was APRIL 8.  Good lord a month and a half never felt so long - it might as well have been a year away.  One question I asked this time was when I could actually start my IVF cycle - finally some good news.  They would start with my next cycle after my appointment which will be late April.  At the previous clinic I would have had to wait 2-3 months to work into their schedule.  All in all I don't think we lost any time in the grand scheme of things but holy cow was that alot of emotions to get through!  I will now be seeing Dr. Valerie Ratts who is part of the Wash U Infertility clinic - they work as a team so there will be 5 doctors reviewing my case and my protocol. 

We are back playing the waiting game with lots going on outside of the IVF world.  I just got back from a great trip to New York with my neighbor friends, my best friend Tessa is getting married at the end of the month, St. Pattys Day festivities are coming up and this weekend our favorite UNI basketball fans are coming into St. Louis.  All things to celebrate and enjoy in the moment.  I saw a quote a couple weeks back - "Life is not a destination, it's a journey"  It was exactly what I needed to see at the time.  This whole process feels like one milestone after another - Beginning of cycle, Middle of Cycle, End of Cycle, next appointment date, etc, etc.  I need to keep in mind that while we are going through this there is this thing called life passing us by - and there is alot of great stuff going on there that we don't want to miss!! 

So thats the update - sorry for taking so long but it took a while to gain perspective (one that wasn't negative and depressing that is) :)  So here's to another month/month and half of injection free freedom!

Such a great visual

In preparation for my appointment tomorrow I have been looking online for questions to ask, reading other blogs and trying to get as prepared as possible (I am very type A....there is not a "go with the flow" bone in my body).  I found the visual below in the blog of someone I have met through facebook.  It very accurately shows alot of the emotions you go through each month - made me laugh.  My favorite is staying up way to late researching pregnancy symptoms - totally been there done that.  I've been a total crazy person SUPER in tune to every last potential pregnancy symptom every month.  It really does make you a crazy person....not to mention the emotional rollercoaster.  Thats the part I hate the most - hating to hear yet another pregnancy announcement, people younger than me on their second baby, someone telling me to just relax (I'm sorry but it should be illegal to say that to a couple that is struggling with conceiving), advice that all you really need is more sex (no - actually you only need to have intercourse 1x to get pregnant...sorry!), and the list goes on and on. 

Hopefully this graphic won't mean as much to you - which means you haven't had fertility problems.  I wouldn't wish this process on anyone but if you have gone through it at least this will give you a chuckle this Sunday evening. 

xoxo,
Mandy

The night before our consultation

 Tomorrow is the big day!  I have a 1:1 with my boss tomorrow and will let her know that I'll be out for part of the afternoon for my consultation.  This is a new boss for me but someone I know well and has been a bit of a mentor for me at work over the past couple years.  I really think of her as a friend and had confided in her earlier this year about our difficulties in conceiving so I don't have any problem letting her know what I am going through.  Just another item on a long list of reasons why I love Monsanto so much.

For the rest of the evening I am going to write down the questions I have for tomorrow's appointment.  I am anticipating not actually starting  injections for a month or so but am hoping April will be the month - just won't know until tomorrow!  At that point we will see what the IVF schedule will be and how we will need to adjust our schedule for the next few months - I am telling you there is NOTHING that is getting in my way :)

Last night we partied with Bryce's hometown of Ursa, IL.  Its a party held every other year and the theme for this year was Prom - Forever Young.  We had a blast and I try to remind myself that we probalby wouldn't have made it if we had a newborn or were late in my pregnancy. It only works for a minute but its those little things that are what get me through the months and months of no results.

Here's to a successful appointment and the start of something great!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

17 months and counting....

I have to admit, my plans for this blog just haven't turned out quite like I expected.  A couple years ago I had watched a few of my friends start blogs as they got married and started their families.  I loved the idea of posting a creative pregnancy announcement, belly progression pictures and of course hundreds of baby pictures.  When the maternal instinct hit me (like a ton of bricks by the way) a couple years ago I knew I wanted to do that as well. 

But of course we couldn't just start trying....I had a PLAN.  A trip to Italy was absolutely necessary before getting pregnant and before baby.  So we went (and you can read all about it by the way on my travel blog I was very proud of :)) and like many couple we planned to start trying to get pregnant immidiately upon return - maybe we could even have a cute little onesie that said "Made in Italy".  I mean that myth about kissing under those rocks at Capri...that's gotta work right??  We had several friends get pregnant right away - no way it wouldn't happen for us!

Well, fast forward 17 months we are still here, no baby and I am sipping on a glass on wine as I type this.  On Monday Bryce and I will have our first appointment with a reproductive specialist to go over the IVF procedure.    2012 was by far the most emotional and stressful year of my life.  Alot of things happened including our struggles to conceive.  For most of it I kept our struggles to myself.  Internalize, deal with it and carry on...its usually how I handle the tough stuff.  Along the way I gradually started sharing our struggles with a few people including some friends on facebook that I connected with regarding similar struggles.  After a while I became more comfortable sharing our story with friends and family.  I really try not to make it a sob story - I truly don't want anyone to feel sorry for us or look for attention.  It truly does just help to talk about it and be able to answer that famous question "why haven't you had kids yet??" honestly.  My honest answer now?  As soon as God is ready for us to have one. 

So here I am, sharing my story with anyone who cares to read it.  There are several reasons I want to share:

1.  It's an outlet for me - one that I have found to be so helpful over the past few months
2.  This is a way to share our story to our friends and family...selfishly so that I don't have to share every details 25 times :)
3.  Hopefully someone who is going through a similar situation will read it and be comforted by the fact that they are not some freak of nature who is broken and that there are a lot of women that go through fertility struggles - you are not alone!!

So what is wrong with me?? For those of you who remember when I was ~12 I had a pretty bad case of appendicitis.  My appendix ruptured and I was in the hospital for over a week.  When I returned home, my parents continued giving me an IV for another few weeks.  That little episode resulted in a contusion that for the most part covered both of my falopian tubes and kind of bunched them up so that they weren't open - in fact they were totally blocked.  We discovered this through an HSG done late August (yes..1 whole year wasted).  I had NO idea this was wrong with me - everything had been totally normal my entire life.  I was devastated - devastated really doesn't even begin to describe it.  I felt like a failure.  The one thing you are put on this earth to do and you can't do it!

The good news is I have a WONDERFUL doctor who I really trust and respect.  Within a week I was in surgery and he was able to open up my left tube 100% and the right one 50% (we have really been rooting on my left ovary for a few months now :)).  There was hope!  Well...4 months and several rounds of Clomid later its still just that...hope.

About a month ago I had a bad day...it just so happen to be New Years Eve.  For those of you who have struggled to get pregnant you know what kind of day it was.  I was heart broken.  Of course I imagine the worst - never having kids, paying a surrogate to carry my child, etc.  I made the decision that we weren't messing around anymore!  I was going to throw myself into IVF.  So here we are, the clinic my doctor recommended is The Infertility Center of St. Louis.  I could type an entire blog about how impressive this clinic is.  We are very lucky to live so close to such a great clinic and great physicians.  My doctor will be Dr. Pineda who my OB recommended. 

www.infertile.com

I plan on blogging about my experience as frequently as I am able.  I hope and pray that this will be a story our little ones will be able to read one day and know their story.  I may or may not post more links to Facebook - so check it out every now and again if you want to keep up with our story.  Thank you to everyone who has been with us for the last 17 months.  It hasn't been easy but we are so blessed with such wonderful friends and family who have always been able ot lift me up from the hardest days :)