I have to admit, my plans for this blog just haven't turned out quite like I expected. A couple years ago I had watched a few of my friends start blogs as they got married and started their families. I loved the idea of posting a creative pregnancy announcement, belly progression pictures and of course hundreds of baby pictures. When the maternal instinct hit me (like a ton of bricks by the way) a couple years ago I knew I wanted to do that as well.
But of course we couldn't just start trying....I had a PLAN. A trip to Italy was absolutely necessary before getting pregnant and before baby. So we went (and you can read all about it by the way on my travel blog I was very proud of :)) and like many couple we planned to start trying to get pregnant immidiately upon return - maybe we could even have a cute little onesie that said "Made in Italy". I mean that myth about kissing under those rocks at Capri...that's gotta work right?? We had several friends get pregnant right away - no way it wouldn't happen for us!
Well, fast forward 17 months we are still here, no baby and I am sipping on a glass on wine as I type this. On Monday Bryce and I will have our first appointment with a reproductive specialist to go over the IVF procedure. 2012 was by far the most emotional and stressful year of my life. Alot of things happened including our struggles to conceive. For most of it I kept our struggles to myself. Internalize, deal with it and carry on...its usually how I handle the tough stuff. Along the way I gradually started sharing our struggles with a few people including some friends on facebook that I connected with regarding similar struggles. After a while I became more comfortable sharing our story with friends and family. I really try not to make it a sob story - I truly don't want anyone to feel sorry for us or look for attention. It truly does just help to talk about it and be able to answer that famous question "why haven't you had kids yet??" honestly. My honest answer now? As soon as God is ready for us to have one.
So here I am, sharing my story with anyone who cares to read it. There are several reasons I want to share:
1. It's an outlet for me - one that I have found to be so helpful over the past few months
2. This is a way to share our story to our friends and family...selfishly so that I don't have to share every details 25 times :)
3. Hopefully someone who is going through a similar situation will read it and be comforted by the fact that they are not some freak of nature who is broken and that there are a lot of women that go through fertility struggles - you are not alone!!
So what is wrong with me?? For those of you who remember when I was ~12 I had a pretty bad case of appendicitis. My appendix ruptured and I was in the hospital for over a week. When I returned home, my parents continued giving me an IV for another few weeks. That little episode resulted in a contusion that for the most part covered both of my falopian tubes and kind of bunched them up so that they weren't open - in fact they were totally blocked. We discovered this through an HSG done late August (yes..1 whole year wasted). I had NO idea this was wrong with me - everything had been totally normal my entire life. I was devastated - devastated really doesn't even begin to describe it. I felt like a failure. The one thing you are put on this earth to do and you can't do it!
The good news is I have a WONDERFUL doctor who I really trust and respect. Within a week I was in surgery and he was able to open up my left tube 100% and the right one 50% (we have really been rooting on my left ovary for a few months now :)). There was hope! Well...4 months and several rounds of Clomid later its still just that...hope.
About a month ago I had a bad day...it just so happen to be New Years Eve. For those of you who have struggled to get pregnant you know what kind of day it was. I was heart broken. Of course I imagine the worst - never having kids, paying a surrogate to carry my child, etc. I made the decision that we weren't messing around anymore! I was going to throw myself into IVF. So here we are, the clinic my doctor recommended is The Infertility Center of St. Louis. I could type an entire blog about how impressive this clinic is. We are very lucky to live so close to such a great clinic and great physicians. My doctor will be Dr. Pineda who my OB recommended.
www.infertile.com
I plan on blogging about my experience as frequently as I am able. I hope and pray that this will be a story our little ones will be able to read one day and know their story. I may or may not post more links to Facebook - so check it out every now and again if you want to keep up with our story. Thank you to everyone who has been with us for the last 17 months. It hasn't been easy but we are so blessed with such wonderful friends and family who have always been able ot lift me up from the hardest days :)
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